A what?

A TEST! <3



TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:

1. Above every other person in existence, I wish fervently that you would accept who, what, and the way I am. Because of you, I have two lives. Two lives with a very, very distinct border separating who I am and who you accept. It's a constant act of Pretend and I wish it didn't have to be. If not for you, it wouldn't be. But every time I try telling you to get a clue, I
Cry.

2. You are possibly the single most amazing person I have ever met. You are leagues deep and every inch of it is art, beauty, passion, thought, and things equally glorious that I don't have a name for. Out of every single one, I think yours is the only that I would do over again. I don't pretend to be glad you left, but we're both content with the absence. And besides that, you left me whole. I wish I could tell you what you did for me. I doubt you could ever really know, even if I put it into words, because you don't feel me anymore. Maybe someday I can try. Maybe you'll listen.

3. Among many other people, you're one whom I always wished I'd gotten to know better. If I had the chance, or knew how, I would love to see inside you, even just a glance, for a moment. When I look at you, I get the distinct feeling that you're more complicated, more tragic, but also more marvelously distinct in who you are than anyone I've ever encountered before. I wish I could see that. Maybe I won't get the chance now, but I'll always wish for it.

4. I almost don't have anything to write to you. You're amazing in a new sense of the word. You put up with me and tolerate me to within an inch of your life, and still hug me and tell me you love me before I go home. At night I lay awake wishing I had patience like yours. You take every one of my mood swings in perfect stride, like you predicted them months ago, like you were built to flow with them. For all I know, you were. We're so conflicted, so broken by ourselves, but together we're perfection in the best way. I'm sure you know I'm talking to you. There are things about me and about my past that you don't know about, but maybe someday I can tell them all to you. Maybe you'll even listen. I love you more than I can say.

5. If every single person in the world was as hopelessly alluring as you are, my heart would be torn in six and a half billion directions. I hope to someday tell you that. I wonder if you realize how even the way you move appeals to me. I wish I knew the extent of what's underneath, and maybe someday I'll know for sure. I'll bet you're beautiful. Is it easy to do what you do? Do you try? I'll bet you don't. I'll bet it's effortless as breathing. I wish I could know. Know you, really. That's all.

6. What happened? Since when do you hate me? Since when do I avoid you out of fear of being hated even more? When, and why? And can it be repaired? And should it?

7. I wish you wouldn't hurt yourself. I wish you could see what I see, because I see someone brilliant like stars. I admire you so, so much, and I wish I could get to know you better but I'm just not sure how. I'm slightly intimidated, I admit. You're just so bright, I don't know how to handle it sometimes. But you're beautiful too, in ways people don't see. Can you even see it? Maybe I can show you.

8. For the love of God, if you don't want to be here, leave. We all love it, and I'm sick of your "I'm a gangsta-gangsta~!" and your ugly black clothes and your coon eyes and your almost physically painful conformity. I'm sick of you, so leave. Thank God there's no way I'll have to speak to you again until next quarter. Once was quite enough.

9. You taught me more about myself than I had ever thought possible to learn. I owe you so much, and I wish there was a different way to pay it back. I love you in ways you can't seem to comprehend, and I want to make you happy. You deserve it, after all of this. You deserve happiness. All the ecstatic euphoria I've had lately belongs to you, or it should, because surely you've done more to deserve it than I have. I hope you get it in the end.

10. Somehow, I'm not sure what to say. But I know that things need to be said. We can talk again, and we can laugh again, and I'm so happy about that. I never understood why we ever couldn't, only that I had to stop. I'm so glad you're back. I missed you, and at the time, it had seemed like you were gone. Perpetually absent until we could cry together again. You've comforted me in the worst of times, and there aren't words to express my gratitude. I owe you so, so much, and I love you.



NINE things about yourself:

1. I'm retarded.

2. I'm simultaneously outgoing and shy all at once.

3. I'm so picky with relationships because they're so fragile.

4. I'm losing faith in humanity.

5. I wish I could play piano, or guitar. Or for the love of God, I wish I was NOT a 2nd alto.

6. I'm always on the verge of doing something rash.

7. I believe the world will end, or begin to end, in 2012. Don't judge me.

8. I love Layne because he can count. Gold star for him. <3

9. I probably love you.


EIGHT ways to win your heart:

1. Don't be a fadooba.

2. Act the same around me as you do around your friends.

3. Make me laugh! Laughing is my favorite.

4. Have...some kind of actual personality. LOL I don't date 2D people.

5. Talk to me. Being the first to make a move impresses me.

6. Be real.

7. Communicate. I've had enough of the lack of communication.

8. Be accepting, and in return I will too. Accept my physical flaws, and my mental ones.


SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:

1. He's so preeeeeettyyyyy~~~ *fangirlsqueal*

2. Fuuuck how am I gonna pay for all this?

3. Who's calling me? I don't want to talk to anyone. Gtfo my phone.

4. WHY? WHY DOES YOUTUBE HAVE TO SKIP AT THE BEST PARTS?

5. I'm eating too much. Again.

6. Stupid familyyyyyy. T_T

7. *insert obscene profanities here*


SIX things you do before you fall asleep:

1. Turn out the lights.

2. Trip down the stairs.

3. Turn on the music.

4. Untwist the blankets.

5. Get in bed.

6. Attempt to not think about anything.


FIVE people who mean a lot at the moment:

1. Richard.

2. Kc

3. Dakota [lol you all saw that coming]

4. Emily

5. Reese


FOUR things you see right now:

1. Vaseline.

2. Nail file.

3. Computer.

4. Sock.



THREE songs that you listen to often at the moment:

1. Folie a Deux [album by Fall Out Boy]

2. Everyone's a Little Bit Racist - Avenue Q

3. Anything by Owl City.


TWO things you want to do before you die:

1. Design a dress that a celebrity wears on the red carpet.

2. Get married.


ONE confession:
I hate heterosexual porno.